HAVE A NICE DAY

Have A Nice Day

Words and Music by Dottie Burman

I'm feeling ill. I cough and I wheeze.
I take a pill. I'm sniffling and I sneeze.
The doctor tries to assure me:
If I come into his office, he has drugs to cure me.
I'm feeling low. I look such a mess.
I dial the weather to see how I should dress.
I hear a message repeat:
"Wind and rain and heavy fog
And snow and ice and sleet.
And have a nice day, really, have a nice day."
She can't be serious.
"Have a nice day, truly, have a nice day."
I think I'll sue if I hear it one more time.
"Have a very nice day.
Have a very nice day."

My doctor takes one look and he's through.
He says, "You've got a bad case of the flu.
Your lungs are very congested.
Go check into the hospital where you'll be tested."
I take a cab. The weather is worse.
The taxi stalls. The driver starts to curse.
The meter's ticking away.
When he finally gets me there, he has the nerve to say:
"Have a nice day, lady, have a nice day."
He smells of garlic.
"Have a nice day, lady, have a nice day."
I think I'll faint if he says it one more time.
"Have a very nice day.
Have a very nice day."

I can't stand it. I wish it were banned,
That coercive command.
If someone in the hospital says, "Have a nice day,"
I'll say, "No, I won't!"

They sign me in to room three-o-three.
I'm not alone. My neighbor loves T.V.
She keeps it constantly blaring.
My food is late, and how I hate this gown I'm wearing.

It's been a week, but I'm leaving soon.
I'm checking out tomorrow afternoon.
The nurse is dimming the light.
Then, although I know that it is ten o'clock at night,

She says:
"Have a nice day, sweetie, have a nice day."
She must be tired.
"Have a nice day, sweetie, have a nice day."
I think I'll scream if I hear it one more time.
"Have a very nice day.
Have a very nice day."

The morning comes. I dress and I pack.
I hurry home. It's so good to be back.
I take my key from my pocket.
What rotten luck, the door is stuck, .
But I unlock it.
There's been a theft! They took every piece!
There's nothing left. I quickly dial police.
The sergeant answers the phone:
"Just be glad they didn't come when you were there alone,
And have a nice day, madam, have a nice day."
He must be crazy.
"Have a nice day, madam, have a nice day."
I think I'll kill if I hear it one more time.
I really will, even though it is a crime.
Throw me in jail! I don't care! It's just that I'm
Sick of,
PAUL
Dottie
DOTTIE
Yes, Paul?
PAUL
"Have a nice day!!"
DOTTIE
Ahgggggggg(scream)!!!!!

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