I NEVER COME TO THESE PLACES

I Never Come to These Places

Words and Music by Dottie Burman

I'm very pleased to meet you.
My name is Barbara Schramm.
I think your nametag's slipping
And I see your name is Sam.
The singles scene is not for me.
I enjoy a concert more.
So I never come to these places,
I've never been here before.
I'm here to do some research
On the sociology
Of human interaction
For my doctoral degree.
The singles scene is not for me.
I enjoy an art show more.
So I never come to these places,
I've never been here before.

The sign says on the wall that
There's a lecture here tonight.
I hope they have a speaker who is
Qualified and bright.
I've read the total works of
Shopenhauer, Freud and Poe.
I'd really like a lecture on
Turgenev or Thoreau.
You think those writers are passe.
So, what's the topic for today? oh it's...

Remedial awareness and bilingual body language.
Bisexual, transactional gestalt.
Primal psychodrama self-assertiveness expression.
Creative, interpersonal massage.

You think I look familiar.
You've seen me here before?
I must admit I've been here once
But only once not more.
You've seen me at another group?
You've seen me at a bar?
I really think this conversation's gone a bit too far!
Because I never come to these places!
I've never been here before!!

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